The definition of being positive is approaching life with realism, yet hope. It isn't about having a bright, cheery smile on your face when your best friend dies, it isn't about being happy when you should be sad. It isn't about pretending everything is kosher, when it isn't and it isn't about believing you are somehow better or more enlightened than everyone else because you claim you are a positive person. It isn't suffering from Pollyannaism Syndrome where life is a constant bowl full of cherries and it isn't suffering from Clinical Depression where everything is bleak and negative. The aforementioned forget that the entire Universe is made up of positive and negative energy. These energies are attracted to one another and seek to find a balance between the two. For every positive charge that is taking too much positive energy from the Universe, there is a negative charge that can't get enough. For every yin, there is a yang, for every yeah, a nay. Somewhere in between being Deliriously Happy 100% of the time and being Dreadfully Sad 100% of the time lies life in the state of reality.
In truth, some people simply cannot handle reality. At some point in their life something happened that they have not recovered from that made reality a sickening place to be. The sooner they take steps to heal that wound, the better off everyone will be. However, until they do, they have no right whatsoever to try to control anyone else that shares a different perspective or opinion.
Life in the state of reality is purposefully unacceptable for some self-professed "positive people" who often will not tolerate anyone that embraces and discusses truths, facts and living present with themselves in a state of reality. They recoil at the possibility of revealing provable truths and facts not only about themselves, but of our society, our horses, our community, it's leaders, it's organizations and it's horse people. It is particularly contemptuous to them if this is attempted publicly where their willing victims might see it, might wake up and have an epiphany that they've been bamboozled. This type vigorously resist reality based discussions and rally the members of their "positive people" clique against them. They often self-righteously claim such discussions as all "too negative" in an effort to manipulate and keep others from engaging in them. Sometimes these "positive people" will also glibly make use of the phrase "sounds like sour grapes to me" in an effort to minimize and belittle anyone wanting these discussions.
Why is it that discussion of real life events such as the slow but measurable decline of the show ring, truths about abuses the Arabian horse suffers in or out of the show ring, truths about cruel and abusive training methods, truths about structural deficits or genetic disorders in our horses, truths about historical facts over historical fiction, and the dispensation of myths setting the record straight seem to set their grandiose hair on fire? These things are real, they happen all too often . . . have these "positive people" no compassion for animals who are helplessly dependent on their caretakers to guard them against predatory, mean-spirited, uncaring humans? Why are they so callous and act in such a completely irresponsible manner towards the horse? Have they no remorse or guilt? It is so uncomfortable for these types that they use any method they can think of to shut down those discussions often encouraging personal attacks upon anyone trying to engage in them. Is it possible they fear the house of cards that they have built or become an architect of will fall under the slightest wind of truth?
Many of these self professed "positive people" refuse to engage positively in any such discussion, refuse to allow such discussions to be held without employing the tools of their tyranny, i.e. domination, interference, belittling and defaming others who voluntarily participate. They make it appear that to engage in such discussions is in bad taste, is poor form and the only horse people that would partake in such discussions are "negative people" to be avoided. Some suggest serious horsemen and breeders wouldn't be caught dead engaging in such negative discussions. Yet, even with those truly negative, manipulative personal characteristics, they continue to make the claim they are "positive people". They continue to suggest there is nothing wrong with them at all or the people that adhere to their domination and contradictory doctrine. They make it appear that it is the people that want to discuss the truth, the facts and want to live in a state of reality that are the problem. Ah, I see.
In fact, these self-professed "positive people" are the epitome of truly "negative people". They are manipulative, conning hypocrites with ridiculous amounts of superficial charm and other critical behavioral characteristics that can be found under the definition of Sociopath which is part of their appeal and success. In order to better understand this concept and this personality disorder, we share some excerpts of articles to help identify the Sociopath as well as how to handle them:
"Common Traits of a Sociopath
Sociopaths live among us. An estimated 2 million sociopaths live in North America alone, and the most infamous sociopaths have become well-known monsters in the media. Like many other types of dangerous predators, sociopaths do not often look like the monsters of our imaginations. This makes it more difficult to spot a sociopath at first glance. Sociopaths in society range from the estimated 75% of prisoners to the manipulative next-door-neighbor, or the abusive partner. Luckily, there are some ways to identify a sociopath, though no sociopath identification guide is an exact science.
Here is a list of personality traits to help us identify a sociopath:
*Manipulative and conning
*Grandiose sense of self
*Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
*Need for stimulation
*Callousness/lack of empathy
*Poor behavioral controls/impulsive nature
*Lack of realistic life plan/parasitic lifestyle
*Criminal or entrepreneurial versatility
*Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
*Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
-Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
-Conventional appearance. They fit in well with the mainstream.
-Goal of enslavement of their victim(s). They need for their victims to agree with them, with their actions, to support them, follow their lead and do as they say.
-Has an emotional need to justify their crimes, frauds, thefts and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love).
-Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim.
-Unable to feel remorse or guilt
-Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)
Having just three of the above characteristics is a good indicator a sociopath is in your midsts.
Recognizing a sociopath is not as easy as it may seem, despite the clear criteria provided by the DSMR-IV for diagnosis. Sociopaths can be very convincing and charming at first, especially at the beginning of relationships. Sociopaths can be the most charming people when they want or need something. Sociopaths will often lie with a straight face, and their sophistication with lying often works on their family members and friends. Treatment for sociopaths is not very effective, partly because they have a personality disorder which affects nearly all aspects of their lives and those who they have relationships with.
One of the most common personality characteristics of the sociopath is their grandiose sense of self and entitlement. Sociopaths also often display a lack of remorse and most have a very manipulative personality covered by superficial charm. Sociopaths often use people as a means to getting what they want.
The emotions of a sociopath may appear to be sincere on the surface, cleverly disguised by superficial charm and feigned interest. Many sociopaths use manipulative measures to draw others to them. Chronic lying is characteristic of nearly all sociopaths. A lack of remorse, or what is generally termed conscience, is typical for sociopaths."
How to Deal With A Sociopath Effectively?
Now that you know something about their nature, one can think about, how to deal with a them. Here are some thoughts about how you can do that!
Stay Away from Them
Once you realize you are dealing with a sociopath, the best thing to do is to remove them from your life and stay as far away from them as possible! As you cannot cure sociopaths and beating them at their own game is risking your own life!
Do Not Try to Reform Them
Studies have shown that efforts at curing sociopaths with therapy only backfire! The sociopaths use the therapy in sharpening and polishing their conversational and conning skills.There is no known successful treatment for sociopaths. A person who has a core of humanity left in him can be reformed. People without a conscience, or people who can override the call of their conscience are beyond reform.
If a sociopath has ruined or is trying to ruin your life and if you feel that you should warn other people before he ruins theirs too, do so at your own risk. Remember they feed on your fears and emotions and use them to manipulate you. Be fearless, and deal with them coldly.
For those of you, who have been unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with a sociopath, I would like to say that, do not lose your trust in humanity. There is a lot of goodness and beauty in this world which is waiting to be beholden by you. Don't let sociopaths bring you down to their level. Deal with them with a cool mind and do not ever hesitate in doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is."
Sociopaths in our Arabian horse community are often hell bent on ascending to positions of power as quickly as possible using their "positive outlook" to gain favor from others already in a position of power. Some have a fantastic amount of entrepreneurial versatility and can throw together events garnering support from the uninitiated (or the perpetual follower of the next great thing) with their charming tongue. Of course these events are fee based - from those attending, to those who exhibit, to vendors, to providers, to sponsors. Such events justify their frauds and conversion of other horse people's assets into their income - they cannot be held responsible for your losses as you voluntarily participated. Many of their voluntary victims give their affirmations of respect and gratitude (even if their horse didn't sell, even if they lost money and even if the event was NOT what it was purported it was going to be). No one wants to admit they've been taken advantage of or made a fool of, so they either go with the flow of "positive people" or they sit silent in fear of saying anything at all. All while the entrepreneurial sociopath begins planning their next, grandiose event.
Today, there are so many sociopath personalities in our community to contend with, they have almost become the norm. For the horsemen and serious breeders that are grounded in reality that seek the truth over fiction and fact over fantasy, it is difficult to identify the aforementioned from genuinely emotionally healthy people. In fact, these self-professed "positive people" have had a hugely negative impact on almost every venue within the Arabian horse community. They have taken the halter horse well-beyond the intent of setting the standard for the breed's most desirable characteristics - beginning with a solid horse from the hooves to the poll and from the muzzle to the tail. It matters not to them if a horse cripples early or cannot be used under saddle or in front of a buggy. They've taken the country english or western pleasure horse to such extremes, these are often not recognizable as a happy Arabian. These have turned the art of photography into a fine art of deception, and consumer fraud. They have turned their marketing programs into defamation of characters against all breeders in competition. They have started career ending rumors about horses they consider competition. They have turned breeding Arabian horses into a greedy, self-serving, money making investment at the expense of the breed, serious breeders, serious horsemen and the individual horse, yet these are the ones that claim they are "positive people". They have turned being involved in the community into a continual progression of unreal one-upmanship and it's not only being done at the expense of good people with honorable character, but it is being done at the expense of the horse.
When you are confronted with such a self-professed "positive person" perhaps you might inquire as to what steps they have taken to improve anything for the breed, the horse and our community but their own wealth, reputation and sense of personal well-being. Be sure to ask the questions aimed at getting to the truth and don't let them off the hook with a convenient one-liner moving on to the next distraction seamlessly. But again, proceed with caution because while they're smiling in your face, being charming, talking so smoothly you could be lulled into a hypnotic state, most assuredly they have started a smear campaign against YOU as someone to be avoided, someone that has a problem, someone that is mentally imbalanced, paranoid or overreacting. Before you know it, you will be in their crosshairs and likely covered in mud thrown by the rumor mongers and mud-slingers even if they have never met you.
When you find yourself in a new relationship with another person, pay close attention to their actions because a lot of slick talk (superficial charm) can distract you from what is really happening - in reality - which oftentimes contradict the words coming out of their mouths. Luckily, many of these "positive people" have formed a loose clique claiming that they surround themselves with "positive people" and avoid "negative people". We now know that their definition of negative people is, in reality, geared towards defining emotionally healthy people that are genuinely happy as described above. This clique of "positive people" partake in some of the most underhanded, devious and mean-spirited activities one could imagine. Some employ untrue negative talk about other breeders or other horse people to market their own stock or build their own credibility. Some spread idle gossip that is malicious or destructive to other breeders, or their horses. Some pass lists of horses to be avoided because of a rumored "disease". Some pass lists of people to avoid for imaginary offenses. Some find ways to illegally or legally steal from others, while some aid and abet thieves. Some engage in witch hunts defaming entire bloodlines all in an effort to promote their own. Some create statements such as "my horse has internationally accepted bloodlines" as if no others do. This is an inflammatory misnomer directed at everyone else and is a case of "my horse is better than your horse" competition - one-upmanship. But it is reckless, thoughtless and a marketing ploy that is rife with negativitiy. Do they think about breeders or horses they hurt with these statements, do they feel at all guilty about making a claim that isn't relevant or true? These "positive people" lie and deceive people outside of their clique and do their absolute best to destroy any competition vigorously employing effective one-liners that they don't have to explain, i.e. "Oh, their horses aren't marketable", or "Oh, all their horses carry LFS" or "Too bad they starve their horses", etc., but out of their mouths, about themselves or their clique, comes a continual regurgitation of syrupy sunshine, and flowers. Yet, deep in their soul lies an abyss of rotting sludge, in their hearts evilness, jealousy and personal greed and in their minds forever plotting scenarios to play out in their modified reality - all constructed to deceive and defraud others of their hard earned reputation, money and bloodstock.
For genuinely emotionally healthy individuals, we can no longer use the phrase that we are "positive people" as those barren of good character have stolen that phrase from us (probably from a therapy session meant to reform them) as they have stolen so many others. Genuinely emotionally healthy individuals will now be known as having "Positivity".
Surely "positive people" (sociopaths) would read this and immediately recognizing themselves for what they are will say "that is really negative" and begin a smear campaign belittling the merits of this article. Isn't it nice to have a method to out them.
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